I wrote my mum’s eulogy today. It was both pain and privilege. I learned more about my modest and private mother than I’d known before. From the death of her own mother when she was a young child, to riding camels in her outback town aged 12 and a shipboard romance that lasted over 66 years with my father; her life was varied and valued. She leaves behind her a legacy of children and grandchildren who carry her genes and many of her values. We loved and were loved by her, which is where the pain of loss is birthed.

Each person’s life story has its highlights, humour and pain. Although my parents’ romantic courtship and marriage was destined for the London newspaper headlines, (except the King died that day!), it’s not really about fame in the end. Their love story wasn’t always easy and it’s certainly very hard for Dad now, who is peeved to be left behind. But to love and be loved for decades by the same person is certainly to be recommended.

We can never replace Mum – and wouldn’t want to. However, we, her children and grandchildren, are her greatest legacy and therefore an ongoing comfort and source of strength for Dad. I’m sure Mum would be pleased we are around him now, as consideration for those she loved most was a strong value of hers.

Our bodies cease, but our values define our lives and the legacy we leave. That’s providing we live them out in a visible way amidst those around us. Whatever life deals us, we have choices about the way we respond and the people who accompany our journey. Although, Mum’s childhood was a difficult one which scarred her in some ways, she loved and was loved. What greater legacy can there be?
​
‘My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action,’ (from the Bible, 1 John 3:18)

​
 
今天我完成母親的訃文。這是我的痛楚兼權利。如此我更加認識樸素而獨特的母親，由她幼年喪母，於十二歲時在內陸的鄉鎮乘坐駱駝來往，及在船上浪漫地認識父親維持六十六年的愛情；她的生命多變幻而具價值的。她遺下她的基因及眾多的價值給子孫。我們愛她而得回愛，因此失去她是我們痛楚之源。
 
每人的生命故事都有精彩的，幽默的和痛苦的一面。雖然我父母的浪漫追求及婚姻登上倫敦報章的頭條（除了當日英皇的駕崩！），最終不是為了聲名的。他們的愛情故事并不經常輕鬆，而現在對認為遭離棄的父親來說，是絕對困難的。但同一配偶數世紀的愛與被愛當然值得贊許。
 
我的母親是無可替代的 － 就是可能也不會發生。雖然如此，我們，她的子孫，是她最偉大的遺產，是父親的不斷慰籍和力量的根源。我肯定母親見到我們在父親的週圍而感愉快的，正如她的最強價值是關心最愛者。
 
我們肉身的生命停止了，但我們的價值定義了我們的生命，而這遺產會留下來的。當然有賴我們於人群中把它表現在生活裏。生命以任何方式對待我們，我們當有選擇回應的方法及走完該過程的陪同者的。雖然母親於童年的困難留下疤痕，她懂愛與被愛。哪裏能找到更偉大的遺產呢？
 
‘親愛的孩子們，我們不要只在嘴上說彼此相愛，而應該用行動把真理表現出來。’（出自聖經，約翰一書第3章第18節）
…………………………………………………………………………………….
永恒的遗产        （译自Karen牧师的‘Enduring Legacy')
 
今天我完成母亲的讣文。这是我的痛楚兼权利。如此我更加认识朴素而独特的母亲，由她幼年丧母，于十二岁时在内陆的乡镇乘坐骆驼来往，及在船上浪漫地认识父亲维持六十六年的爱情；她的生命多变幻而具价值的。她遗下她的基因及众多的价值给子孙。我们爱她而得回爱，因此失去她是我们痛楚之源。
 
每人的生命故事都有精彩的，幽默的和痛苦的一面。虽然我父母的浪漫追求及婚姻登上伦敦报章的头条（除了当日英皇的驾崩！），最终不是为了声名的。他们的爱情故事并不经常轻松，而现在对认为遭离弃的父亲来说，是绝对困难的。但同一配偶数世纪的爱与被爱当然值得赞许。
 
我的母亲是无可替代的 － 就是可能也不会发生。虽然如此，我们，她的子孙，是她最伟大的遗产，是父亲的不断慰籍和力量的根源。我肯定母亲见到我们在父亲的週围而感愉快的，正如她的最强价值是关心最爱者。
 
我们肉身的生命停止了，但我们的价值定义了我们的生命，而这遗产会留下来的。当然有赖我们于人群中把它表现在生活裏。生命以任何方式对待我们，我们当有选择回应的方法及走完该过程的陪同者的。虽然母亲于童年的困难留下疤痕，她懂爱与被爱。哪裏能找到更伟大的遗产呢？
 
‘亲爱的孩子们，我们不要只在嘴上说彼此相爱，而应该用行动把真理表现出来。’（出自圣经，约翰一书第3章第18节）

As a young child, I would sit on my grandma’s knee and ask to see her ring. How it sparkled with its many diamonds cleverly cut to catch the light! I own that ring now and still delight in its timeless appeal. The jeweller’s skills make these stones remarkable. It is the many facets which give it such beauty.
This is also true of life. As a child develops, their gifts and abilities begin to shine forth. We find they are capable in many different areas, and often it can be difficult knowing which to choose to hone. Outstandingly gifted children can be the focus of much attention and may be capable of shining on their own, but most have gifts they can enjoy contributing to the whole. Each gift is like a facet, reflecting some of the rays that make a beautiful gem.

As adults, we learn that others have gifts we lack and vice versa. When we choose to collaborate, this can be powerful. The emerging Games in the Park held last Sunday afternoons of the month at Helen Street reserve, Lane Cove North, is a good example of this. An initiative of Lane Cove Community Chaplaincy and the Rotary Club of Lane Cove, others quickly joined in. Local groups, a business and neighbours also offered their talents free of charge. This enables far more to be offered to our local community: table tennis, cricket, bowls, volleyball, Frisbee, massage, face painting, orienteering, and a free barbecue are the current activities on a growing list. It’s fun to be part of the team, discovering new facets and new friends.
My experience shows it’s far better to focus on the abilities of others (and my own) than upon the deficits. Encouraging people to find and utilise their gifts is enriching. What facets in your life are waiting to catch the light? Unleash them and we will all be the richer!

‘For it was you (Lord) who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made,’ The Bible, Psalm 139: 13-14 (NRSV)

PS You will find a photo of the ring on our Facebook site (6/4/18) and a short video with more story about the ring's significance (5/4/18).

​我年幼時，常坐在祖母膝上要求看她的指環。它巧妙地鑲著無數鑽石把光捕捉了！現在我擁有它，還依然喜悅那股無窮的魅力。鑽石匠的技巧把這些石子化為神奇的。就是那些切面令它具這般美麗。
 
生命也是如此。一名兒童於成長過程中，他的天賦和能力日益表現出來。我們會發覺孩子竟然具備多方面的才能，卻無從在哪方面入手來陪養他。突出天賦的兒童能得注目還可以自行發揮潛能，但多數享天賦者會把全部貢獻出來分享的。每一份天賦就像一個鑽石切面，它各自反射光來完成一夥美麗的寶石。
 
身為成人，我們知道某些天賦有所缺乏，他人亦如是的。一旦選擇與他人合作，力量卻大起來了。那新興的Games in the Park在公園裏玩遊戲，它逢每月的最後星期日在Helen Street reserve, Lane cove North舉行，就是一個好例子。這新近發起的活動沿自Lane Cove Community Chaplaincy社會教士和Rotary Club of Lane Cove扶輪社，很快其他組織也參與。本社區的團體，某商業及街坊都來義務幫助。如此我們的社區得不少他們貢獻的利益：乒乓球、曲棍球、保齡球、排球、飛碟、按摩、畫臉譜、尋寶遊戲，還有免費燒烤，都是現行的活動而且數目在增加中。參加這團體為成員是有趣味的，能發現新的方面和結識新朋友。
 
我的經驗是，專注他人的專長（和我自己的）較單看他人的短處為佳。鼓勵人群找尋和利用專長是令人感到更充足的。你們人生中哪方面正等待捕捉光呢？開放它的潛能我們就會富裕起來的了！
 
‘你造了我體內精細的臟腑，
我在母腹中，你就將我織造成形。
感謝你，將我造得如此精巧！’
聖經詩篇第139章第13－14節
………………………………………………….
多切面的           （译自Rev Karen牧师的‘Multifaceted')
 
我年幼时，常坐在祖母膝上要求看她的指环。它巧妙地镶着无数钻石把光捕捉了！现在我拥有它，还依然喜悦那股无穷的魅力。钻石匠的技巧把这些石子化为神奇的。就是那些切面令它具这般美丽。
 
生命也是如此。一名儿童于成长过程中，他的天赋和能力日益表现出来。我们会发觉孩子竟然具备多方面的才能，却无从在哪方面入手来陪养他。突出天赋的儿童能得注目还可以自行发挥潜能，但多数享天赋者会把全部贡献出来分享的。每一份天赋就像一个钻石切面，它各自反射光来完成一夥美丽的宝石。
 
身为成人，我们知道某些天赋有所缺乏，他人亦如是的。一旦选择与他人合作，力量却大起来了。那新兴的Games in the Park在公园裏玩遊戏，它逢每月的最后星期日在Helen Street reserve, Lane cove North举行，就是一个好例子。这新近发起的活动沿自Lane Cove Community Chaplaincy社会教士和Rotary Club of Lane Cove扶轮社，很快其他组织也参与。本社区的团体，某墒业及街坊都来义务帮助。如此我们的社区得不少他们贡献的利益∶乒乓球丶曲棍球丶保龄球丶排球丶飞碟丶按摩丶画脸谱丶寻宝遊戏，还有免费烧烤，都是现行的活动而且数目在增加中。参加这团体为成员是有趣味的，能发现新的方面和结识新朋友。
 
我的经验是，专注他人的专长（和我自己的）较单看他人的短处为佳。鼓励人群找寻和利用专长是令人感到更充足的。你们人生中哪方面正等待捕捉光呢？开放它的潜能我们就会富裕起来的了！
 
‘你造了我体内精细的脏腑，
我在母腹中，你就将我织造成形。
感谢你，将我造得如此精巧！’
圣经诗篇第139章第13－14节

My longsuffering husband would probably say ‘Yes!’ Accompanying me in a swim to an island near Cape Tribulation, would be a standout example. ‘Our landlord knows if there are crocs around’, was my rationale. Against his better judgement, David came, hoping to protect me. The ancient Greeks would have nodded sagely, their worst fears confirmed: this Eros love is dangerous!

The Greeks had many words for love, because of its different forms. Afraid of Eros (romantic love), they preferred other types. Eros would hopefully lead to Pragma in long term couple relationships. A mature love formed by deep understanding, Pragma is willing to make compromises to make the relationship work. An attitude of wanting to give love, rather than be the recipient, is at its core.

Philia is the deep love of friends, based in loyalty, sacrifice and sharing of emotions. Storge is used to describe the safe, understanding love of a parent for their child. Philautia is self-love of two varieties, with very different outcomes. Narcissistic Philautia has an obsessive focus on self and its acquisitions. The preferable Philautia cares enough for itself to be physically healthy and emotionally stable, enabling it to love others well too.

I think David’s love for me when ‘swimming with crocs’ was the highest form of love, Agape, described by C.S. Lewis as ‘gift love’. It is selfless and freely offered to everyone, including strangers. Christians regard it as the highest form of love, extended by God to us, and for us to emulate. Agape is the word used in the popular biblical wedding passage 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a (NRSV)

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
​
And, yes, that kind of love can be dangerous. Please share it around anyway.

 
那長期受我折磨的丈夫可能會說‘是的！’ 他陪我在Cape Tribulation (Queensland東北岬角的熱帶雨林渡假地）附近游泳前往一個小島，便是一個突出例子。‘那房東地主應知到有沒有鱷魚出沒的’是我的理由根據。大衛竟然不顧一切地上前，希望為我護航。那些古希臘賢者當然會意地點頭，他們的最壞恐懼落實了：這樣的Eros浪漫式的愛是危險的！
 
古希臘人有很多愛的字眼，因為它具不同的形式。為了避免Eros（浪漫式的愛）他們寧願選取其他形式的。Eros浪漫式的愛最好導致夫妻關係的pragma犧牲方式的愛。那由於深切認識而成熟的愛，pragma犧牲方式的愛是願意退讓使那關係完成的。其核心為寧願付予而不求接受。
 
Philia友愛是朋友間的深愛，基於忠誠、犧牲和情感的共享。Storge慈愛是父母付予子女安全和信賴的愛。Philautia自愛是具兩類不同效果的愛護自己。Narcissistic Philautia 自戀狂具變態的只為自我及其所得。可取的Philautia自愛管好自己的身心建康，兼及愛護他人。
 
我認為大衛對我的愛，見於他‘與鱷魚同游’是最高層的愛，那Agape奉獻式的愛，C.S. Lewis（名作家）形容為‘賜與的愛’。這類愛是無私的，任何人都可以領受，包括陌生者。基督徒認為它是最高境界的愛，由上神賜予我們而讓我們爭取的。Agape奉獻式的愛是婚禮中引用聖經的常用字眼， 哥林多前書第13章第4至第8a節 (NRSV)：
 
‘愛是忍耐，也是仁慈。愛是不嫉妒、不自誇、不傲慢’不粗野。愛是不求自己的利益，不輕易發怒，不記住自己受到傷害。愛不以不公正的是為樂，只為真理得勝而歡喜。愛永不方棄，永不失去信心，而是常存盼望， 在任何情況下都能堅忍到底。’
 
是的，那類愛可能是危險的。雖然如此請廣傳他人。
 
.......................................................................................................................................
 
爱是否危险的？  （译自Karen牧师的“Is Love Dangerous?")
 
那长期受我折磨的丈夫可能会说‘是的！’ 他陪我在Cape Tribulation (Queensland东北岬角的热带雨林渡假地）附近游泳前往一个小岛，便是一个突出例子。‘那房东地主应知到有没有鳄鱼出没的’是我的理由根据。大卫竟然不顾一切地上前，希望为我护航。那些古希腊贤者当然会意地点头，他们的最坏恐惧落实了∶这样的Eros浪漫式的爱是危险的！
 
古希腊人有很多爱的字眼，因为它具不同的形式。为了避免Eros（浪漫式的爱）他们宁愿选取其他形式的。Eros浪漫式的爱最好导致夫妻关系的pragma牺牲方式的爱。那由于深切认识而成熟的爱，pragma牺牲方式的爱是愿意退让使那关系完成的。其核心为宁愿付予而不求接受。
 
Philia友爱是朋友间的深爱，基于忠诚丶牺牲和情感的共享。Storge慈爱是父母付予子女安全和信赖的爱。Philautia自爱是具两类不同效果的爱护自己。Narcissistic Philautia 自恋狂具变态的只为自我及其所得。可取的Philautia自爱管好自己的身心建康，兼及爱护他人。
 
我认为大卫对我的爱，见于他‘与鳄鱼同游’是最高层的爱，那Agape奉献式的爱，C.S. Lewis（名作家）形容为‘赐与的爱’。这类爱是无私的，任何人都可以领受，包括陌生者。基督徒认为它是最高境界的爱，由上神赐予我们而让我们争取的。Agape奉献式的爱是婚礼中引用圣经的常用字眼， 哥林多前书第13章第4至第8a节 (NRSV)∶
 
‘爱是忍耐，也是仁慈。爱是不嫉妒丶不自夸丶不傲慢’不粗野。爱是不求自己的利益，不轻易发怒，不记住自己受到伤害。爱不以不公正的是为乐，只为真理得胜而欢喜。爱永不方弃，永不失去信心，而是常存盼望， 在任何情况下都能坚忍到底。’
 
是的，那类爱可能是危险的。虽然如此请广传他人。

​‘You are what gives me hope for the future,’ the anguished war photographer proclaimed to her teenage daughter, who had recently identified with her mum’s cause. The movie, A Thousand Times Good Night, relates the tale of the mother’s choice between her two passions – her dangerous work that gives hope to the lives of so many voiceless people – and her longsuffering family. This woman has the unenviable position of being fulfilled in both her work and family life, but having one seriously damage the other.

When we rest all of our hope in our achievements or our loved ones, we become vulnerable to disillusionment. Even those closest to us, may well disappoint us, being mere mortals. Our well-earned achievements can live on, being a source of blessing into the future, yet that sense of accomplishment will fade too. How to get the balance right is possibly the major achievement these days.

We need to find hope and joy in our current journey, ‘smelling the roses’ along the way. Appreciating the journey may require some humility in being honed as a person by the challenges. It will inevitably have its joys, setbacks and adjustments, but keep focussed and persevere. Aim for a fair balance for all parties concerned in 2018 – including you!

Something I love about the Uniting Church is its vision of being ‘the people of God on the way to the promised end.’ I appreciate the lack of pretence of having it all together, but instead, a willingness to journey together towards better outcomes. Whether or not you believe in the same ‘promised end’, I recommend employing the method.
​
Let me know if you need encouragement on your journey. I’m here to help.